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Belfry & Studer Consulting

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Thanks in advance for stopping by.

Just a few ideas to think about.....

We've been talking about interpersonal relationships in the workplace for the past few months, in our At Work feature. Our purpose in doing this has been to emphasize how important this whole area of relationships is, in all aspects of our lives. An important piece has to do with what goes on in our heads, individually and collectively.

We all make assumptions, based on who we are and our own personal histories, and then apply these assumptions all over the place. Most often, unless we run up against some sort of resistance, these assumptions and attitudes go unquestioned. In fact, most people are unaware of what assumptions they're making, every day, in all interactions. For instance, what is the assumption(s) behind a simple behavior, such as holding out your hand to another? what prompts you to do that when meeting or greeting someone? What does that mean? Where was that learned? Who taught you that? Were you taught that? What does it mean when the other person doesn't reciprocate, or ignores the gesture? What comes next? Who says?

Or, what does it mean when your boss or your subordinate doesn't acknowledge your cheerful "Good morning...."? Does it mean the same thing in both instances? What's the difference, if there is any? Says who? What do you do about it, anything? Where does your head go when something like this happens? Is someone to blame? Who? Based on what? How are your feelings doing at a time like this? Do you just blow it off, or is there a bit of a sting to it? How would you find out about what all this means? Would you?

Even with these simplistic examples there is clear potential for trouble, misunderstanding, hard feelings, regret, all the possibilities that come with interpersonal relationships. Now add more serious and potentially troublesome differences such as, race, gender, religion, social class, and you have the makings of real trouble! How is it that, beyond a few lines in a personnel manual, that very little of this is ever talked about, until there's a problem? Would it be possible, do you think, that maybe some of the blunders that people make in relationships could be avoided, if only people would stop and think, take a look at the ideas we hold dear and true, and realize how much of it is a fantasy? A fantasy that exists in our minds, and may not mesh with the fantasies that exist in other's minds?

What would it take for us to begin taking responsibility for our own feelings, thoughts and actions; to begin holding ourselves accountable for who we are, what we do and how we think, and to quit looking outside ourselves for the source of our troubles, blaming others and the world for our plight? Do you think it would be possible? Do you think it might help? Would it make any difference? Maybe..........NAAAHH! Forget it!